Pacific Rim...for real this time

Guillermo del Toro's giant robots vs giant monsters film, Pacific Rim, is a BDM - a Big Dumb Movie.

Let me preface this review by saying I desperately wanted to like Pacific Rim. I avoided promo materials, interviews, and even trailers where I could. I wanted to go in as clean and without expectation as I could.

It didn't help.

It's a couple of decades in the future and an interdimensional portal has opened up at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Through said portal come huge beasts, which proceed to do what huge celluloid beasts do and go to town on the puny humans'...towns.

The nations of the world decide conventional military might is not enough against the beasts, which are dubbed kaiju, and take to building their own "monsters." These weapons are giant robots called Jaegers and need to be piloted by two people to handle the "neural load." This system links the brains of the two pilots and creates a very strong bond.

Not pictured: my house

American former Jaeger pilot Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam) is plucked out of retirement because he is one of the only people who knows how to operate one of the older models. There's going to be one final assault on the kaiju portal and they need every Jaeger they can get.

During the story he must learn how to reconnect with another human being, regain his confidence, save the planet, and most importantly fight giant monsters.

To say everything bar the last one was done poorly would be generous. I haven't been this disappointed in a film this much since Prometheus. 

Pacific Rim has all the overly-macho bullshit of an 80s film - a la Top Gun - mixed in with Godzilla vs Transformers, with the themes from Armageddon stacked on top.

The majority of characters are cliches, and those that aren't are so two dimensional it could almost be funny, if it wasn't so annoying. There's the hot-headed rookie looking to prove herself, the old hand jaded pilot, the jerk, the reasonable authority figure, the super serious Russians, the ku-RAY-zee comic relief duo... you get the idea.

There's maybe one personality between all these people.

The pacing is all over the shop as well and I was surprised precisely once during the film. The kaiju fights are impressive at first, but wear thin as they don't seem to have much to offer after the first fight, other than saying "okay...now do it again, but with two kaiju instead."

Dialogue is corny and baffling casting decisions grated on me the entire way through. British actor Hunnam sounds like he's trying far too hard to maintain his "tough" American accent. My biggest gripe was with casting an American and a Brit as the Australian pilots, who are one of the biggest parts of the film. As an Australian, it was painful to listen to the attempt. How hard would it have been to grab Richard Roxburgh and some kid from Home and Away? 

Blimey son, put yer bloody eyes back in your noggin' and fight the kaaaaaiiiiiiiiii-ju.
We're 'Strayun, ya galah.

There are numerous plot holes big enough to ride a kaiju through, most of which are too spoiler-y to get into - but I don't think "analogue" means what the filmmakers think it means.

Everything is also strangely  joyless and earnest too. While there are "funny" moments in the film (which come off as cheesy, for the most part), most character interactions and ridiculous dialogue is delivered without irony. Look to films like Thor to see how to do a BDM right.

And this is a minor gripe, but the characters have preposterous names. To wit there are people named  Raleigh Becket,  Stacker Pentecost,  Newton Geizler,  Hannibal Chau, and&nbsp Hercules Hansen. Good lord.

So... what did I like?

Not this guy.

Pacific Rim looks great. The colour palate is fantastic and having the fights take place in or near the ocean was inspired. Hong Kong is beautiful, with neon lights and the hustle and bustle showing how densely the human race can live. The design of both Jaegers and kaiju are great, but left me wanting to see more, with more variation.

The contrast between the orange warmth of the Jaeger reactors and the sickly blue glow of the kaju was a good choice too.

This guy.

Jaeger technology worked very well and the design of the pilot suits was aesthetically pleasing.

Pacific Rim could easily be expanded into a mini-series or even an animation, which would flesh out characters, designs, motivations and overall improving the franchise. It has potential.

If you do decide to see Pacific Rim, go in with significantly lowered expectations. 

Two stars.