The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug

It was a monumental relief to see The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug was a much better movie than its predecessor. That being said, it is a surreal movie, which is a strange thing to say when talking about a bunch of short bearded men going off to fight a dragon.

The newest addition to the LOTR series, which can be now abbreviated to the ridiculous LOTR:TH:TDOS (which sounds like an elven name), picks up not long after the first Hobbit film ended. Would-be dwarven king Thorin (Richard Armitage), his band of misfit dwarven companions and increasingly out-of-his-depth Hobbit Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) continue on their way to the reclaim the lost mountain kingdom of Erebor from a dragon.

The film follows the motley crew as they travel through forests, mountains, towns, lakes and hidden elf cities. The effect of having a nearly three-hour running length and a variety of different locations and situations throughout the film make TDOS feel like a collection of hour-long TV episodes.

And starring: This Guy as Eyebrow Bear

While Bilbo and the dwarves continue toward the mountain, Gandalf continues to be easily distracted with saving the world and attempting to stop the biggest enemy to freedom and life in Middle Earth. He's such a ditz.

Absolutely the strongest element of the film is that it doesn't have to spend an hour setting up the story and introducing characters. In fact, when new characters are introduced in TDOS it is usually without ceremony or pause in the narrative.

This gives the film the ability to seamlessly slide from one area to the next without feeling clunky or weighed down.

We already know who you all are...allegedly. 

That being said., The Desolation of Smaug is a surreal film because it doesn't actually feel like a film.

As I mentioned before, the variety of set-pieces make the film feel more like a closely connected mini-series.

The heavy use of CGI combined with 48FPS, both which add an unusual fluidity of motion on their own, have the effect of making the film feel like a video game. There were parts where I felt the design almost strayed into mo-cap territory, with only the actor's faces painted onto totally computer generated bodies.

Shockingly, I didn't believe Orlando Bloom can jump six feet in the air.
Or that he was a real blonde.

Also, the cinematography frequently went to a first-person or extreme close up perspective, making me feel like I was on some kind of immersive Disney ride. There is one particular scene with the dwarves floating down the river that epitomises this feeling for me.

Grown men on a barrel ride. Actors work hard.

That being said, the design of the characters and set-pieces was fantastic. Everything from the spider forest of Mirwood to the mountain halls of Erebor were breath-taking, but it was Lake Town which was truly the star of the piece for me - although that was probably because it was the least CGI-looking location.

I said it "looked" the least. I didn't say it "was" the least.

The dragon Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch) was another highlight and it was a delight to watch the serpent move around and breathe fire while menacing the not-Fellowship.

Some of the dwarves were given a small amount of character development and it left me wanting more. The addition of Legolas (Orlando Bloom), his maybe girlfriend Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly), and Bard the Bargeman (Luke Evans) was also welcome, giving contrast and changing dynamics within the group.

Pictured: contrast. 

Martin Freeman continues to be excellent in his straight-man role and gains an intriguing bit of moral ambiguity this time around.

The moral ambiguity of pooing your pants when you see a dragon.

At no point does The Desolation of Smaug feel like a nearly-three-hour film, which works in its favour when compared to the first film.

Or pooing your pants because giant spiders.

It's a solid watch for the holiday season.

Four stars.

AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!